Monday, September 18, 2006

The Home Beckons….Past encounters

All around the cars horns, someone shouts across the street, some shout over the phone…cos that’s Mumbai….. a spicy blend of people from different walks of life. Life here has been good thus far...no complaints. The rain timing could have been better but then again it's preferrable to the October heat. As long as the traffic moves I'm cool with the rain.

That day brought about an encounter with you. You asked me a question…for which I have no answer. It’s not my attitude or my arrogance which is why we are like what we are today. Time and again I have gracefully carried the burden of being blamed for the break up. But was there a break-up? To me it was more like a brush off. I was a child. If only I could turn back the time and erase you from my life, it would be so much easier to carry on. But it’s impossible. You played a role in my life....an important role.

Sometimes, with you I wonder if I am just a walking skeleton. Where have all the feelings disappeared? I feel no hatred, no affection, no anger. I try hard to laugh but the smile doesn’t reach my eyes nor does it fill up my heart with contentment. It’s just a hollow noise that escapes from within. The laughter was different; filled with emotions and appreciation. I have no one to blame for anything but myself. You were always like you are now. I was the blind person. I chose to be blind.

I don’t know how long I will be at the crossroads of life. But I do know I will never be able to forget anything. It’ll be etched in my memory forever. Whether things will go back to the way they were...only time will tell....

I Shone at
3:32 PM

Monday, September 04, 2006

Re-Enter: The Stalker...

I knew the time would come..when I would have to face him. I had to...today;virtual encounter.

So did my heart skip a bit when I saw him online? No
Did I feel excited/scared/avengeful? No

Today the realisation hit home that he means nothing to me. It's over, finished, kaput. I am surprised too on how I managed to escape from the spell. How did i feel such a small impact of his absence? That's cos it was not love. It was pure infactuation....

As much as I know about love, I have only loved 1 person in my life. How ironical it is that I keep denying my feelings for him. For how can I affirm them? There doesn't seem to be a future for us. Some say distance doesn't matter..some say it does and I'm got in the middle in an emotional turmoil.

Some say do everything for your love, some say never lose your self-repect...I agree with the latter...but does that certify you happiness in future? I guess I'll know the answer when Im 80. But I don't want to sit down then and say "if only..." I want to sort out my life now....but should I do it at the expense of my ego?

I Shone at
12:35 AM